When he finally left, I thought the hardest part would be falling asleep at night. I was wrong. It's waking up in the morning that gets so unbearably lonely.

I've never been a morning person. I love sleeping in, and anyone in my family or anyone I've traveled with can attest to the fact that I'm always last to wake up. I don't know why but during the two weeks we were together I'd wake up an hour before he does and just sit there, watching him sleep. I'd be thinking too much as usual, about random disconnected things, and I'd come up with some minor revelation about life, myself, or us, and I'd want to talk to him about it. But he looks so peaceful sleeping there, like a little boy, so I remain seated and quiet, watching him. When I feel like the thought bubble is about to burst I start waking him up slowly. I'd crawl back to bed and wrap my arms around his waist and start shaking him gently. "Panda, Panda, Panda," I'd whisper into his ear. He'd groan, wrap his arms around my neck, and bury my face into his chest to make me shut up. I'd pull away and repeat, until he finally opens his eyes and smiles (even though I know deep down he wants to kill me for not letting him sleep half an hour longer).

I love the way he looks at me in the morning.

These days all I have when I wake up is a pillow underneath my arm, my other hand clutching on to the t-shirt he'd sleep in, which I keep under my head.

I know that this isn't a gone-forever thing, like death or a break-up. I know I should be happy that the two weeks we had was more than amazing, but every time I think of all the things we did together - hanging out with my friends, riding jeepneys, me playing guitar onstage with him watching from the front row, swimming in the ocean, roaring through the Bohol countryside on a motorcycle, getting lost in Cebu - I get so so sad, because it feels like I'll never be that happy again. There are times when it's okay, when we talk on iChat like how it started, and I feel like I'm not going to shed another tear until I see him later this year. And then there times, such as now, when it occurs to me that there's nobody who'll make silly faces at me to calm me down when I start freaking out or nobody to tell me to eat my vegetables at dinner. And thinking that makes me so sad, the only thing I can do is cry to the songs that remind me of him while inhaling the scent of his aftershave (that he accidentally left). I can't even begin to describe how happy I was when he was here, and how fucking lonely it gets now that he isn't physically around.

I wish there was someone I could talk to about this. I mean I've told my friends how sad I get and although they're probably tired of hearing about it, I don't think they'd tell me to shut up. But I haven't even told them half of how lonely I feel. Nobody's around during the worst part, in the mornings, when my chest gets so heavy that the only thing I can do is smoke myself to death in the bathroom and cry until my eyes are swollen for the rest of the day.

Hooray for LJ and optional emo.

http://littlelioness.net/2008/05/14/something-new/

http://littlelioness.net/?p=176

Okay, not that I really have time to stalk more blogs (my current stalkage list is here at Bloglines, and stands at 57 - I really need to start categorising like Mick has done)… but I would love for some suggestions from you good people of things to read. They could be webcomics, opinion blogs, personal blog, photologs, whatever! Just so long as it has some sort of rss feed for me to subscribe to, because, unfortunately without that I never can keep up!

So, what do you think I would like?

ShareThis

http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/2008/05/su-really-loves.html

http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/2008/05/captive-giant-p.html

After that devastating earthquake, that's some good news, People. News via CNN.

This can only mean more snow rolling in preparation for the Olympics.

Su playing in the snow, originally uploaded by kjdrill.

Su really loves snow!, originally uploaded by kjdrill.

Yoga Master, originally uploaded by kjdrill.

Hilarious Su Lin, originally uploaded by kjdrill.

Rolling around in the snow, originally uploaded by kjdrill.

That's one happy panda!!, originally uploaded by kjdrill.

http://feeds.penny-arcade.com/~r/pa-mainsite/~3/289794615/

http://www.penny-arcade.com/2008/05/13/exciting-news/

Gabe : So we can finally announce that our game will be out on May 21st. IT will be released on Xbox Live as well as our own digital games store Greenhouse. If you do decide to download from Greenhouse you can grab one code that will give you access to the PC, Mac and Linux versions. I'm super excited to hear what you guys think. If you're looking forward to the game you should check out the new trailer over on the Xbox Live site. -Gabe out

http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/ICanHasCheezburger/~3/289791395/

http://icanhascheezburger.com/?p=51210

http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/ICanHasCheezburger/~3/289791397/

http://icanhascheezburger.com/?p=50499

http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/2008/05/whaaaaats-uuuuu.html

Seriously, what's aaaap. Oh, and pass me a beer.

TimesOnlineUK Slide show, that's what!

http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/2008/05/alo-jost-poppin.html

Behbeh: 'alo! Jost poppin' in fo' a spo' o' tea!
Cat: Right oh, just getting the teacops out now! [rattle rattle rattle]

Johanna S. found this photo from several terrific ones over at Uber Cats slide shows

http://feeds.penny-arcade.com/~r/pa-mainsite/~3/289666206/

http://www.penny-arcade.com/2008/05/13/patv/

Gabe : I'll be starting the Live stream in a few minutes. -Gabe out

http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/2008/05/chihuahua-order.html

[Speaking into drive-thru window speaker]

Um, I'll take the beady eyes/stuffed animal combo...

...with finger monches

Oh, and paws up for dessert. Thannnnnnnnnks.

Drive to the next window, Eva H. Bone Appetit!

http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/2008/05/charlie-meets-c.html

The Daily Coyote, friend of Teh Qte™, recently reported PUPPIES.  And now SOMEbody's getting a new BABY SISTER:

(sniffing ensues)

Yay Spring!  It does make me wonder where Eli stands on all of this, though.

We've seen Charlie with Eli before.  Many thanks, Shreve!

http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/ICanHasCheezburger/~3/289623906/

http://icanhascheezburger.com/?p=51501

http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/ICanHasCheezburger/~3/289523772/

http://icanhascheezburger.com/?p=51473

http://www.cartoonlabs.com/comics/index.php?date=2008-05-13&show=sinfest

Sinfest
Tatsuya Ishida

http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/289432738/jenna_bush_married

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/79433

First daughter Jenna Bush was married to Henry Chase Hager on her father's ranch in Crawford, TX. What do you think?

http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/ICanHasCheezburger/~3/289418505/

http://icanhascheezburger.com/?p=50763

OMG I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*disbelief*

My group had a presentation for our group project today. Umer introduced our presentation, then proceeded to take credit for everything - the images, the communication, the idea, the lot. Well, all but the programming anyway. I was trying so hard to bite my lip and to not protest and turn our professional presentation into a childish bitching session that I was actually shaking.

Sarah asked if I was ok after the presentation. She too was furious. I told her that Umer had better stay away from me because the next time he lies, i'm gonna beat the fuck out of him. I've had enough pussyfooting around him and being diplomatic. I've tried every peaceful approach with him. He essentially took credit for most of the game, in front of a big audience, with the safety of the audience to protect him from me and Sarah (incidentally Stephen wasn't there, which was probably a good thing because he'd probably have battered Umer regardless of the audience). I've tried everything with Umer and he still treats me and the rest of the group like shit.

Is it wrong that i regret not dragging him outside after the presentation and smashing his face open?

At times like this, I like to think how my parents would react in a similar situation, but the problem is my mum and stepdad have completely different philosophies. Adrian would have made sure Umer left in a body bag, no question. Mum would have probably just yelled at him and goaded Umer into hitting her. And then have him leave in a body bag (or just set Adrian on him, for lack of any real fighting strength of her own). My grandad would have done the same as Adrian, whilst my nan would have just accepted Umer's bullshit and let it go, for fear of confrontation. My brother would have hit him there and then in front of everyone. But then, he would - Alex has the subtlety and tact of a sledgehammer. And probably the intelligence of one too.

At any rate, if Umer wants to talk to me it had better be over the phone. He's lucky to still be walking, frankly.